Fifty percent off Uber Eats
means two meals for forty bucks.
At least I don't have to go outside, or cook and clean one pot, one bowl,
one spoon, one soul with chicken soup caked on
from sitting on the coffee table for too long…
or I could leave the dishes soaking…
I live and thrive,
don't go to dives,
I like it here in hell.
Some days the only way
I'm lifting up this spirit
Is by picking up Coors Light—
Cause there's a time and place for water
And it's every single night.
A fizzy little 4.2;
I think I'll eat some pretzels, too.
I've got work in the morning,
And I feel a little blue.
I never thought I'd miss the days,
I cooked for four and rinsed or dried;
I never thought I'd miss the days
I broiled, diced, sautéed, and fried.
I lied, I tried, I've all but died.
Funny how empty plates can make you full.
At least now, when I cook for one,
I always get the dishes done.
Even if I wind up Groaning into Google Keep about maybe dying in my sleep
Because my phone is showing ads about CPAPs, and no one's here to wake me.